Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
