alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
