Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We left the knife in your bed.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
