idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
