I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
