Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
