I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
