so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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