I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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