you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Farmville is her only friend.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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