So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
