i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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