No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
