I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
