She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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