If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
