Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
