You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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