I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
