After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
