I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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