I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Please, let me fuck your mom
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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