my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
