every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
