How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
