He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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