what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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