No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
