she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
FUCK WHALES
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
