I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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