The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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