Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
