you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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