On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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