When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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