My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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