you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
