Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
