Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
