census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
