Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
