But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
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please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
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I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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