i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
