i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
