the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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