she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Randomize
