ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
