I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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