i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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