I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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