Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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