apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
