Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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