yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
