seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
