Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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