He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
