Quick, to the slutcave!
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
