So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
