I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
