I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
