What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
