I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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