I think im going to throw up on grandma
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
