cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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