Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
