Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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