Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
