My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
