If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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