I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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