David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
