Three words: puerto rican gang bang
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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