This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
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I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
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Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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