I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
