I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
