so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Operation Purity has been aborted
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
