I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
