you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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