Your tits are I can't wait for
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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