Already got asked if we're dating
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
