My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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