i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
