Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
