just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
