u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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