i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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