we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
