# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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