This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
