Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
foreskin is a definite game changer
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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