I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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