id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
