You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
it's great music for shaving your balls
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Randomize
